Maybe Sometimes, Doing Your Passion Is Not Enough

I was sitting in our hub yesterday, alone, and was able to have all the time to ponder about the dream that my husband and I set for ourselves when we decided to settle back home.

Bruner Learning Hub will turn a year in a month. We established this with the idea of having an impact on education and changing the views that most parents in this area have about school and learning. We want kids to love learning because that is enough reward in itself - no grades nor medals can ever top that. 

It is a very challenging feat, indeed. We struggle to get students or to keep students. Money is the obvious issue. Even if we offer the lowest rates in after-school programs, parents still struggle to keep their child with us. In some cases, the parents demand the traditional setting that we don't offer, though I can't blame them, education system here was so obsolete, and the demand for a more progressive approach to teaching is not welcome.

My husband and I personally managed and taught in the hub for six months. We did everything from setting up the place, marketing our programs, teaching the students, and running the administrative side like taxes. We thought that if we put our entire energy and resources to it, then we will both see how we made it grow. 

But the reality is cruel! It hits you right in the gut where it hurts the most. Our savings ran out; we need to have a Plan B to keep the hub running and us surviving at the same time. So what we did, the most logical thing that time for us, was to find a job. We hired two teachers who will look after the hub while we find means of keeping it afloat.

My husband and I both took a job far away from our place (Montalban). I teach in one of the schools in Taguig while my husband in Mandaluyong. Every day we have to wake up at 3 am so we can arrive at our workplaces on time. And every day I always try to reach the hub even before closing to see how was it for the day. Sometimes, there were times that it was impossible because of traffic and difficulty in public transport.

The struggle is so real that it always pokes questions in my head if everything is worth it - the pain, the heartbreak, the frustration, the financial instability. 

So on that day, sitting in the hub alone, all the flood of emotions came rushing in -  the increase in the lease, the salary of the teachers, the bills all waiting to be paid. IS IT WORTH IT? 

I don't know the answer, even my husband does not. All we know is that there is a limit to how much beatings our mere souls can take.

Life's Choices

I just started reading "Ego is the Enemy' by Ryan Holiday. I am not even halfway through the book, yet it had given me many points to ponder.

Being driven to attain financial security at a very young age, I'm among those women who considered stability is primarily achieved if I no longer have to worry on where to get the next payment for my outstanding bills. However, as I grow old in a career-oriented world, I came to realize that there are some things that I'm not willing to compromise despite my desperation to earn big bucks.

There is a passage that struck a chord with me while I was reading the book:

'Appearances are deceiving. having authority is not the same as being in authority. having the right and beging right are not the same either. Being promoted does not necessarily mean you're doing good work and it doesn't mean that you're worthy of promotion (they call it failing upward on such bureaucracies). Impressing people is utterly different from being truly impressive." ("Ego Is the Enemy", p.32)

This passage somewhat gave me consolation in a way that I was among those few who would leave a job despite a good pay if I feel that the company is cramping me inside, making me unable to grow and breathe freely.

Though I know some will say that it's immaturity and I must develop grit in everything even in keeping a job. They may be right! But our perspectives on things are different from each other. I want to go out there - in the world of challenges - to see what I'm cut off and how far I can go to achieve my desire for financial security, but at the same time being able to rest easy that I'm doing what my heart desire.

I intend to write a series of blog posts about my musings and reflections while reading this book. It might help me focus on goals and visions I set for myself, which I sometimes disregard due to my satisfy my present needs.

Food for thought

The important thing is to strive towards a goal which is not immediately visible. That goal is not the concern of the mind, but of the spirit. - Antoine de Saint

Yogyakarta Trip 2017: Arts and Culture Collide

The much-awaited holiday finally came. I was really excited for the trip. This getaway would be our last hurrah before going back home in the Philippines. Even if I'm not much of an adventurer, I love the idea of leisure travel.

My husband told me that it's scorching in Yogyakarta. He even teased me about it because he knew how I hated to be under burning rays of the sun. I told him I brought a powder for prickly heat, a sunblock, and an umbrella. I'm mentally and physically prepared for the heat. 😂

Waiting for the cab. Excited much!

The funny thing was when we arrived at Yogyakarta on Sunday morning, it was raining. I didn't bring my jacket because I thought it would be useless.

As I was not much of a traveler, I wasn't inclined to travel on the first. It was raining, and I rather rest in the hotel. We compromised by going to Ambarrukmo Plaza, a mall near our hotel. It was a big mall. I'm impressed because the mall was way better than the malls in Bandung (the ones we frequent). We saw this cute Doraemon stuff toy and decided to buy it for my niece since she loves Doraemon so much. Food choices in Ambarrukmo Plaza were also impressive. We ate at Fish n' Chips because we both missed that place.

Meet this cute little fella, Doraemon

The rest of the day, we just decided to stay and relax at the hotel. We stayed at Puri Artha Hotel. The room was cozy and clean. For dinner, we decided to walk around a bit and ended up trying this cute resto cafe, OZ Cafe. The place looks adorable with those two big huggable bears at the main door.
The food tastes better than we expected and the price was fairly reasonable. Do drop by the place just in case you're in Yogyakarta and you wanted a food place that offers mix blend western and oriental dishes.

On our second day, we visited Affandi Museum. We paid 50,000 IDR for the entrance fee and added 20,000 so that we can use our camera to take photos. The museum housed all the paintings created by Affandi and his family. I was blown away with those amazing paintings. From looking at those works, I saw how an artist evolves because of his thirst to improve his craft. That was incredible and a humbling experience for me. It makes me reflect on the efforts I did for my own self-improvement.

On our third day, we hired a car so that sightseeing would be much more convenient. We left the hotel at 3:45 so we can watch the sunrise at Borodubor. I was so ecstatic!! Finally! To see Borobudur! I planned to take loads of photos. Hehe.

After Borobudur, we went to see Mt. Merapi. I actually thought that it was only near the temple, and obviously, I was wrong. I was just happy sightseeing. We didn't stay that long. I teased my hubby because we planned to go local by eating in 'warungs.' True to our plan, we ate Pop Mie noodles (instant noodles) at one of the warungs.

Happy boy cradling his sizzling hot noodles

Next stop was Prambanan. The entrance fee was way cheaper than that of Borobudur's. Just like Borobudur, it's also included among UNESCO World Heritage Sites. Prambanan temple, which was built in the 10th century, is breathtakingly beautiful.

We just walked around the area and since it's already noon that time, the sun was mightily showing us his supremacy. Hence, it was too easy for us to get exhausted.  After we had eaten lunch, we decided to skip seeing Ratu Boko. We just went to see Taman Sari, which was a let-down after seeing the magnificent Borobudur and the splendid Prambanan. We only stayed there for about 10 minutes. We didn't know if we just didn't explore the place with such fervor.

We capped the day by having dinner at Tickles Cafe and Resto. It is another cute cafe. The interior is really an eye candy. The place provided many photo ops, too. Though the place was lovely, we were not that impressed with the food. We might have made a poor selection, though.

On our last day, we had breakfast at Capitea, which offered mostly Taiwanese dessert. I like their crepes.

We might have spent a small fortune on this trip, but it didn't matter. I love our holiday in Yogyakarta. It was a very much needed break from the reality of life.  I'm so grateful to hubby for making this trip possible. 

Our First Year Anniversary

It's a normal Wednesday. Toxic schedule at work that I almost exhausted my voice to hoarseness.

Days before 22 March, I was already beaming with excitement. It's our first year anniversary as husband and wife. I'm sure some of you might even think that it is no such great feat. However, every love story is unique. It has its own share of troubles and milestones. For us, a year of married life has been challenging enough. We set our goals to go back home instead of staying in a foreign land to earn a living. Additionally, we started to have some fights that were not there before when we were dating. I know it's pretty normal not to agree on almost everything since we are two totally different individuals.

Through all the challenges we met this past year, I'm grateful that we are still strong as a couple. We are both working hard to meet our vision. We learn to compromise. On top of it all, we love each other more.

Movie date at PVJ (Beauty and the Beast)

Happy Anniversary, my heart! 💓

The Course of Love: A Novel - A Real Love Story

I just recently finished reading a book by Alain de Botton, "The Course of Love: A Novel." The book was an utter tear-jerking surprise.

To some, they might find the book boring because of the substantial commentaries scattered throughout the narrative. In this novel, De Botton introduces us to two misfits and rather well-drawn individualized characters, Rabih Khan and Kirsten McClelland, with distinct and separate backgrounds (he's half-Lebanese, half-German, she's Scottish, careers (he's an architect working in an urban design studio; she's a surveyor employed by Edinburg City Council) and personalities (she's confident and feisty; he's dreamy and insecure).

These characters might culturally different from me, but De Botton successfully made his characters so universal. Their experiences are so thoroughly ordinary that their lives seem emblematic, their stories interchangeable and relatable to so many couples out there. They met at work, fell in love, and decided to get married and start a family. Everything seems so romantic!  According to De Botton, "For the Romantic, it only the briefest of steps from a glimpse of a stranger to the formulation of a majestic and substantial conclusion: that he or she may constitute a comprehensive answer to the unspoken questions of existence."

This book shatters our pre-conceived ideals on marriage, "To a shameful extent the charm of marriage boils down to how unpleasant it is to be alone." Rabih and Kirsten, having fallen deeply in love, "will marry, they will suffer, they will frequently worry about money, they will have a girl first, then a boy, one of them will have an affair, there will be passages of boredom, they'll sometimes want to murder one another, and on few occasions to kill themselves. This will be a real love story."

So gone is the sugar-coating that is common to romance novels that I sometimes find sickening. The happily-ever-after compatibility envisioned by these two characters right after marriage is immediately dashed by silly, upsetting arguments over things like glassware to purchase at IKEA or the ideal room temperature for their bedroom at night.

We enter marriage as two individuals with all the history that shapes us and make us become the twisted adorable version of our present selves.

 What I mainly find so compelling in the novel is the last chapter.

"Few in this world are ever simply nasty; those who hurt us are themselves in pain. The appropriate response is hence never cynicism nor aggression but, at the rare moments one can manage it, always love."

As I have my own shares of hurt and disappointments from my past, I particularly cried a lot when I read these lines: "We start off in childhood believing parents might have access to a superior kind of knowledge and experience. They look for a while, astonishingly competent. Our exaggerated esteem is touching but problematic, for it sets them up as the ultimate objects of blame when we gradually discover as they are flawed, sometimes unkind, in areas ignorant and utterly unable to save us from certain troubles. It can take a while, until the fourth decade or the final hospital scenes, for a more forgiving stance to emerge. Their new condition, frail and frightened, reveals in a compellingly physical way something which has always been true psychologically: that they are uncertain vulnerable creatures motivated more by anxiety, fear, a clumsy love, and unconscious compulsions that by godlike wisdom and moral clarity - and cannot, therefore, forever be held responsible for either their own shortcomings or our many disappointments."

And on marriage, De Botton claims that the Romantic ideals are a recipe for disaster. Readiness for marriage depends on whether we have given up on perfection.

"Pronouncing a lover "perfect" can only be a sign that we have failed to understand them. We can claim to have begun to know someone only when they have substantially disappointed us."

"Whomever we could meet would be radically imperfect: the stranger on the train, the old school acquaintance, the new friend online...Each of these, too, would be guaranteed to let us down. The facts of life have deformed all of our natures. No one among us has come through unscathed."

"The Course of Love" may be a story about marriage, and what makes the marriage stronger; however, I recommend the book to all who hopes to love and be loved in return or to anyone who wants to build an authentic relationship or to patch up old grudges. This book is about relationships, acceptance, betrayal, loyalty, and acceptance.

You can buy the book in Amazon.com. https://www.amazon.com/Course-Love-Novel-Alain-Botton-ebook/dp/B0176M1AT4/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1489502428&sr=8-1&keywords=the+course+of+love+alain+de+botton

Holiday, Where Art Thou?

In three weeks’ time, my hubby and I will visit Jogjakarta. I'm excited as this trip will be our last hurrah here in Indonesia before we go home in June.

I've never been to many places here in Indonesia despite staying here for four years. There are many reasons why I traveled less, but the most obvious one was I need to save money. I'm always that stingy when it comes to traveling. Others will say that we need to invest our money in travel because material things won't give us the same satisfaction as travel.

I beg to disagree with that bandwagon idea on traveling. I rather save first, and when I still have something extra, then that's the only time I let my mind wander to many places I can go.

This time, we throw caution to the wind. I told my husband that I want to travel last time here before we go home. Logically speaking, it'll be more expensive to go in Jogja once we’re back in the Philippines.

I'll write about our adventures in Jogjakarta soon! Stoked for March term break!

Hubby and I