Maybe Sometimes, Doing Your Passion Is Not Enough

I was sitting in our hub yesterday, alone, and was able to have all the time to ponder about the dream that my husband and I set for ourselves when we decided to settle back home.

Bruner Learning Hub will turn a year in a month. We established this with the idea of having an impact on education and changing the views that most parents in this area have about school and learning. We want kids to love learning because that is enough reward in itself - no grades nor medals can ever top that. 

It is a very challenging feat, indeed. We struggle to get students or to keep students. Money is the obvious issue. Even if we offer the lowest rates in after-school programs, parents still struggle to keep their child with us. In some cases, the parents demand the traditional setting that we don't offer, though I can't blame them, education system here was so obsolete, and the demand for a more progressive approach to teaching is not welcome.

My husband and I personally managed and taught in the hub for six months. We did everything from setting up the place, marketing our programs, teaching the students, and running the administrative side like taxes. We thought that if we put our entire energy and resources to it, then we will both see how we made it grow. 

But the reality is cruel! It hits you right in the gut where it hurts the most. Our savings ran out; we need to have a Plan B to keep the hub running and us surviving at the same time. So what we did, the most logical thing that time for us, was to find a job. We hired two teachers who will look after the hub while we find means of keeping it afloat.

My husband and I both took a job far away from our place (Montalban). I teach in one of the schools in Taguig while my husband in Mandaluyong. Every day we have to wake up at 3 am so we can arrive at our workplaces on time. And every day I always try to reach the hub even before closing to see how was it for the day. Sometimes, there were times that it was impossible because of traffic and difficulty in public transport.

The struggle is so real that it always pokes questions in my head if everything is worth it - the pain, the heartbreak, the frustration, the financial instability. 

So on that day, sitting in the hub alone, all the flood of emotions came rushing in -  the increase in the lease, the salary of the teachers, the bills all waiting to be paid. IS IT WORTH IT? 

I don't know the answer, even my husband does not. All we know is that there is a limit to how much beatings our mere souls can take.

Life's Choices

I just started reading "Ego is the Enemy' by Ryan Holiday. I am not even halfway through the book, yet it had given me many points to ponder.

Being driven to attain financial security at a very young age, I'm among those women who considered stability is primarily achieved if I no longer have to worry on where to get the next payment for my outstanding bills. However, as I grow old in a career-oriented world, I came to realize that there are some things that I'm not willing to compromise despite my desperation to earn big bucks.

There is a passage that struck a chord with me while I was reading the book:

'Appearances are deceiving. having authority is not the same as being in authority. having the right and beging right are not the same either. Being promoted does not necessarily mean you're doing good work and it doesn't mean that you're worthy of promotion (they call it failing upward on such bureaucracies). Impressing people is utterly different from being truly impressive." ("Ego Is the Enemy", p.32)

This passage somewhat gave me consolation in a way that I was among those few who would leave a job despite a good pay if I feel that the company is cramping me inside, making me unable to grow and breathe freely.

Though I know some will say that it's immaturity and I must develop grit in everything even in keeping a job. They may be right! But our perspectives on things are different from each other. I want to go out there - in the world of challenges - to see what I'm cut off and how far I can go to achieve my desire for financial security, but at the same time being able to rest easy that I'm doing what my heart desire.

I intend to write a series of blog posts about my musings and reflections while reading this book. It might help me focus on goals and visions I set for myself, which I sometimes disregard due to my satisfy my present needs.

Food for thought

The important thing is to strive towards a goal which is not immediately visible. That goal is not the concern of the mind, but of the spirit. - Antoine de Saint